This is what it’s like to get cancer:
You’re riding down the highway with your family, perhaps on the way to a soccer game or Chuck E. Cheese or the Second Grade Extravaganza when — SCREECH! You’re pushed off the road.
And everything stops.
You forget where you were headed because you can’t go there right now.
You worry about your family, stuck with you in this car you were driving which is now smashed into the median.
You wish they hadn’t been in the car with you.
You worry that it was your fault, even though you know it really wasn’t. Even when the authorities tell you it was just something that happens to people, good people like you. Good parents like you.
Suddenly, you stop thinking about picking up the cake for the communion party or whether you remembered the shin guards or what time the parent-teacher conference is tomorrow.
You start wondering if you’ll be around to see your kids graduate from high school.
You remember picking out baby annoucements.
You think about the first time the kindergarten bus rolled up and opened its door.
You chuckle about the time you decided that watching paint dry was, in fact, more interesting that attending a T-ball game.
Then you go about the agonizing and exhausting task of cleaning up the mess and getting back on the road.
And when make it back onto highway with your family, at last heading to the birthday party or the soccer game, you realize the car will never drive the same again.
What irony there is in becoming so great at something that you never wanted to try your hand at: parenting with cancer. Well said, Jen.
Wow. Whether it is cancer or tragedy, so many of us are on the road of life in cars that will never be the same. Thanks for this well-written post.
Warmly,
Ann
Great comparison. Cancer is one heck of a detour isn’t it? We “clean up the mess” the best we can and get back on the road of life.
That would have been nice if I had had support. Cancer at 19 and parents who thought I would be fine.
Caroline,
I feel sad reading your post. Cancer sucks, and I hope you are starting to feel better now. As a parent, I can’t imagine what it would be to have a child with cancer. As a wife, I’m just starting the process of dealing with a husband with cancer. I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing – am I too indulgent? Too neglectful? It’s difficult and frustrating to be in a caregiver place and must be awful to be a parent in that situation. In any event, I wish you all the best – for a complete cure with no recurrence and the strength and endurance to continue to be the wonderful person you are.
Very well said. I’m now almost 2 years out from my dx and I still feel like I’m cleaning up the mess and getting back on the road every single day. I wish this website existed 2 years ago…
Jen,
Thanks so this – sometimes cancer is a detour. But for many, like me, it took me to a brand new highway.
Good to be cruising down the road with you,
Jody
i was just diagnosed with hodgkin lymphoma and I have 2 kids.I hope this web site can help me get to where you are today.
So very true. I am currently fighting stage III non hodgkins lymphoma diffuse large cell B and I have to say that I was amazed at the lack of information and support out there for mother’s diagnosed with cancer.
Thank you for creating this website
Lorrie: That’s what I had: Stage III Diffuse Large B Cell NHL. Now it’s five years later and I’m cancer-free and doing fine. My kids are fine, too. You’ll get there, too.
I hope you’ll drop by here again soon and follow us on Twitter @parentscancer.
Jen